Holiday Blues

I am the sort of person who will tell you that I don't want to do anything for my birthday and holidays. And I mean it when I say that. In the past, I really have never felt like celebrating anything. There hasn't really felt like a point. It's all just been ordinary days to me.
This Christmas, I actually wanted to participate. I'm sure that this has something to do with the depression medication that I'm on, which I wasn't on last year. It really has been helping. I actually had answers when I was asked what I want for Christmas. I put up a little fake tree on my coffee table and decorated it. I even did a little photoshoot with my parrotlet, Cassie, and she was cooperative (after I convinced her with food.) If you know parrots, or birds in general, you know they aren't really cooperative things!

Isn't she adorable?
It was also a pretty rough couple of days right before Christmas, but I pulled through and I think I'm going to be better for it in the long run. And, in the end, I really did enjoy my holiday.
I'm in the middle of work right now, my deadline being on the 30th.  That was interesting to deal with, working through the holiday when everything was so busy and chaotic, and I admire anyone who does it year in and year out. That being said, I think I did pretty well, considering that I'm still a little ahead of schedule.
I'm still waiting to hear back from the places that I sent my short stories to. I'm used to that by now, and I have a lot to keep me occupied in the meantime. One of those things is Stephen King's Cujo, which I'm currently rereading after several years. I'm enjoying it just as much as I remember. It's classic King, monsters, monsters, everywhere...and most of them are human.
That's all for now, I believe. I've just been mostly absorbed with balancing Christmas and work, which hasn't left time for much else.
Be sure to check out my author page at facebook.com/authoremilyblue. I've been posting a lot more updates there lately, different from what I write about here.
Until next time.

~Blue

Getting Better

I guess this week the blog is a Wednesday thing! Although this time, I do have a reason.
Saturday, I had a depressive episode. It was a pretty bad one. I doubted myself from start to finish. Seeing as I have just started a new work project, this was a pretty bad time for it.
Saturday turned to Sunday and...that was it. I woke up and wasn't quite myself, but by the time I got things rolling, I felt better. I'm still a little behind on work but the past couple days I've managed to do extra and I'm managing to gain ground.
And this is how I know I'm getting better. I might not have anything figured out. I'm still as clueless as ever. I'll probably always be clueless and unsure and doubtful, and I'll struggle forever.
But I'm getting better.
And I know because my episode only lasted one day, instead of several.
I know because I can sing in the car and the sound of my own voice doesn't make me hate myself.
Because sometimes I think I look nice.
Because I laugh a little more.
I'm getting better, because I'm trying.
So, I've got both of my revised-and-ready short stories out there, floating around, awaiting judgment. I'm compiling notes, consolidating them all in one spot. I'm working. I'm going for walks on occasion. I am trying.
I finished reading The Troop by Nick Cutter, which I mentioned in my last post. I enjoyed it. The writing style was very crisp, very detailed, very visceral. I feel like it had a bit too many similes and metaphors, relied a little too heavily on comparisons in some places, instead of telling me how things were. It was also more of a body horror type of novel, what Stephen King would call a "gross-out." However, it wasn't what I would call gratuitous. There was a purpose to it.
I also enjoyed the format of the book itself. Chapters punctuated with news articles, dairy entries, and the like. The author said he took inspiration from King for that, and it was very well done.
The story itself revolves around a troop of boy scouts who head to a secluded island for a scheduled trip, but not everything goes as planned. Someone arrives. Or rather, something. 
I'd check it out if any of that interests you. It was worth the read. And no, I'm not sponsored. I just enjoyed it.
That's all for now. Be sure to check up on me over at facebook.com/authoremilyblue.
Until next time.

~Blue

Playing With Words

I keep meaning to write these for Monday but I guess fate just wants them to be a Tuesday thing. As long as they get written at all. I think I'm getting better at remembering to update all these social media things (except for Twitter. My Twitter is a disgrace.) It's not so much a matter of finding the time to do these things, since they don't take long at all. It's more about finding the will. I want to think that I'm getting better at that, too.
I'll be sending out that story I wrote about last week, that I was so proud of. I usually struggle with short stories more than I do with novels. It's hard to resist the temptation to stretch out and play with the words, like you can do with longer works. Short stories require a different sort of skill entirely, the ability to say exactly what needs to be said and nothing more. Sometimes, it's even less about that and more about knowing what doesn't need said.
I finished up with a work deadline recently so I've got a couple free days. I intend to do a lot of reading and writing. I haven't quite decided whether I'll be starting an entirely new story, focusing on my novel in progress, or if I'll work on reviving something from the past. I want to do all of them at once but if I try to take on all of that, I'll end up psyching myself out with the workload. It's quality over quantity, any day. Sometimes the two ideals meet up and shake hands, but that's a rare thing.
The book I'll be reading is called The Troop by Nick Cutter. I stumbled across it while looking through lists of good horror novels and I'm hoping I'll be pleasantly surprised. I also just finished up Lostboy by Christina Henry, which was an exquisite dark, heart-wrenching take on the classic tale of Peter Pan. Never before has growing up been so bitter. I highly recommend it, and her writing in general.
That's all for now. Be sure to check up on me over at facebook.com/authoremilyblue.
Until next time.

~Blue

A Good Day

Yesterday was one of the best, most productive days I have had in a long time. I didn't expect anything special from it but everything just pulled together for once to make an ordinary day very wonderful. I managed to do everything that I wanted. It's been so long since I've managed to read while having breakfast, since I'm always so paranoid about getting my work done for the day. Today, I was able to do that.
I received a rejection from a magazine when I sent them a short story a few days ago, but I've sent the same story out again to another magazine. I don't expect much to come as a result from that but it feels good to have it out there.
I'm also in the middle of editing another story, the one I mentioned in my last post. I'm pretty much in love with it, but it's pretty passive and I'm having to work all that out. It's a habit of mine but I'm working on it.
Another thing I'm currently working on is a Christmas present for my girlfriend, Sunny. It's a painting. I only recently got back into that particular hobby and this is by far the most difficult painting I've attempted. Maybe when it's finished I'll post a picture of it.
I think that's all for now. Be sure to look for me at facebook.com/authoremilyblue. I post there most often.
Until next time.

~Blue

Fall Solitude

Now that Thanksgiving is nothing but a memory of its former self, it's time to get back on track. I say that, but I still have no idea where my track is. Maybe I'll find it one of these days.
I did manage to get outside yesterday and today, which was nice. I do enjoy my walkies and the weather is perfect for it. Bordering on cold, crisp, quiet. I love the fall solitude, listening to the world around me. The world seems to be mostly composed of squirrels these days but I'm not exactly complaining. I can watch them on the autumn-bare tree outside my window, going about their busy little lives.
There's something about this time of year, when everything is so clear and there's hardly anyone else outside. It just feels magical to me. Maybe that's why I recently wrote a story about it. It's been sitting on the back shelf of my mind, idling, waiting for distance to form between it and myself so I can edit it with clarity. I'm pretty sure that time is almost here.
Casanova the Editor Bird sleeps more often these days, responding to the change in season. None of my other animals seem to care. Edgar the betta fish, Toko and Nadia the hermit crabs, and new addition Mocha the Syrian hamster just keep going on without a care. I care. I love my little zoo.
Be sure to check out my author page on Facebook if you get a chance, at facebook.com/authoremilyblue. I post updates and such there that I don't post here.
Until next time.

~Blue

Long time, no see!

I can't believe it's been almost 7 months since I last posted. Things keep falling by the wayside, as I work at my job, my mental health, and my hobbies. Everything is work and nothing comes easy, but some days make it worth everything.
I finally completed work on the last draft of a short story that has been in progress for a very long time now, probably longer than it should have been. But, I'm happy. All progress is good progress! No one should ever forget that.
My plan now is to start sending it around to magazines and such in the hopes of publication. I've recieved rejections before and I'll recieve many more when all is said and done, but I'm not afraid of that. It's just part of the game, and I'm in this for the long haul.
No matter how many times you're rejected, don't give up. There are better things ahead.

Kindled Roses Excerpt

I'm back at it again with a novel in progress that's currently titled Kindled Roses. This is an excerpt from the very first chapter. Please let me know what you think in a comment!

My shoulders shook, and something on the desk moved. I looked up, rubbing my eyes with my hands. Blurring tears pushed aside, I saw one of the envelopes twitch, wrinkling up in on itself. White faded to the color of the shadows beneath my bed, comforting and gray. Then, gray darkened all the way to black and a tiny whiff of smoke struggled up from the paper. A flickering glow no bigger than an ant formed on the very edge of the corner, even as the paper crumpled into ash.
Fire. Warmth. Out of my control again, or exactly inside it. Sometimes it was so hard to tell.
©2017 Emily Blue

What Gram Said, Part Two

It's Saturday! That means the conclusion to What Gram Said is here! Part one is still up, if you need a reminder.

"What Gram Said, Part Two"

...That’s when I looked at her and said, “Gram, cardinals aren’t born. They hatch. They come from eggs.”
Her willowy old hand came out and whacked me upside the back of my head. “I know that!”
It didn’t hurt much so I didn’t mind. 93-year-old widow slowly dyin’ of lung cancer, I guess she can say and do what she wants.
Thing is, I been sittin’ on my futon for the whole morning now and the birds just keep comin’. At first there was only a pair. Real bright, like the boys always are. I waited for them to get into it because they both perched there on the same telephone wire, like they both wanted that spot. One of them was just askin’ for trouble. But they just sat. Sat and preened.
Now it’s like the sky outside my window is bleedin’. Everythin’, everywhere, covered in droplets of red.
And I’m just waitin’ now.
©2017 Emily Blue

What Gram Said, Part One

Happy Friday! I hope everyone enjoys theirs.

I have something for all of you. I'm particularly proud of this piece but it's a bit longer so I'll be posting in two parts. Be sure to check back tomorrow!

 

"What Gram Said"

My Gram, she spent the last third of her life in a nursin’ home with a tube in her neck. I visited every Sundays until I moved some months back. We’d sit in that dull community room with the TV on, me on the couch and her in her wheelchair.

“Avery,” Gram always said. “Avery?”

“Yes, Gram?” I always replied, like clockwork.

“When someone dies, a cardinal is born. Where’s my cardinal, Avery?”

“I’m sure it’s comin’ sooner or later.”

She wanted to die. Always had. But, they outlawed the Voluntary Death Amendment back in ’25 so she didn’t have no choice in the matter.

I always told her it would come for her, like I knew she wanted, every time except the last visit.

To Be Continued...

©2017 Emily Blue

Weekend Revelations

Happy Saturday! I'm sure some of us are enjoying the weekend more than others, but that's just the way the world works.
I recently discovered Editor Bird Cassie is in fact not a girl at all, but a handsome little boy! He is very much a one-bird bird and I have no intention of breeding, so our lives are still the same. Please enjoy these pictures of Cassie taking a bath in my water.

Stay safe this weekend and be courteous. Please. Don't be like my neighbors.

Another Look at Stubbornness

I took a walk in the cold today, which I prefer over any other type of weather. Is anyone else like that?? Can't stand the heat or humidity? Luckily, I'm in Illinois so I get miserable amounts of both!

However, I did something while I was out that I'd never done before: I typed up a work of flash fiction. I'm not sure of the exact word count but it might even be microfiction. That was nice, I'll say. It felt like an actual use of my time instead of a waste. Maybe that's a habit I'll try to get into, writing as a walk.
But let's return to stubbornness for just a moment. Before, I said it was one of the most important things -if not THE most important- trait to have. You can't accomplish anything unless you stick to it.
Hold your horses.
See, the thing is to know where your limits are, and when enough is enough. There comes a point when it just isn't worth it.
I stayed awake for 23 hours finishing a story for a client because the deadline was closing in. I had wiggle room on the other side if I went to sleep for a few hours, but I wanted it to be done with. And I did it, didn't I? I did! But here's the catch. My work for that client is given to someone who then reviews it. I didn't even care about that at that point.
I care about it now, when they gave me a 6 out of 10 rating for the writing itself. They said the structure of the sentences didn't make sense, and that it was difficult to understand. The story got a 7 out of 10, but the only good thing to be said about it was, "There's nothing wrong with this story."
Ouch.
Compared to the 10 and 9 I got last time? Ouch.
And it was all my own stubborn fault. If I hadn't pushed myself, I would have done better. Let others learn from that mistake before they do it to themselves: Don't be an Emily Blue. Give yourself time to recuperate. Don't insist you can do everything, when you clearly can't.
You have limits. Find them, or they'll find you.

Stubbornness and Writing

Who else is still sticking to their New Year's resolution right now? Ever since I lost 50 pounds last year, I've been wanting to get back into it. It's been a rough start but I got back out there again for a walk today.
I'm sure I would have enjoyed it more if I didn't live in Illinois. It's February and already turning humid as hell. What gives?
Oh well. I'm back inside now and ready to get to work. The past week or so has been a complete disaster, struggling to get through a bout of depression. And then my keyboard quit working on my laptop! But not at an ordinary, sensible time of day. Oh no. It quit at 1 a.m. After two and a half hours of attempted fixes, I went to Walmart and bought a plug-in keyboard. THEN, I came back home and stayed up until 7 a.m. to make up for all that lost time. Oh, but the fun didn't end there! The day before yesterday, and into yesterday, I stayed up for 23 hours straight to get a project done for a client. And then I slept for 9 hours. Cassie the Editor Bird was not happy that I wasn't at her beck and call for most of the day. However, we're getting back into our normal routine and Cassie is currently drinking out of my water glass.
Like I was saying in my previous post, writing isn't the hardest job in the world...but that doesn't mean it can't be hard. EVERY job is hard at some point. It's just that many aren't worth the struggle.
Writing is, if you love it. And when you hate it. It isn't about inspiration and passion, although those things certainly exist. However, if you want it to be a job, you need this one thing above all else: stubbornness.
Some might call it determination, in favor of using a prettier word, but it is, at its heart, pure stubbornness. It's a refusal to back down, even when you would rather be doing anything else. It's forcing your fingers to move even when you have your head thrown back with exasperation at just how stupid your story sounds right about now. It's tossing all your bodily needs out the window for a moment to get this one more paragraph down.
It's stubbornness. You need it, because no one is making you write. It's your responsibility, and if the urge never goes away, if you're always aware of it and would be miserable if you never wrote another thing for the rest of your life...then you are a writer and you will return to it time and time again no matter how dramatically you gave up on it last time.
That's writing.
That's stubbornness.
They're one and the same.

First Post! Cute Picture Inside, Too!

"I bought groceries today."
It seems like a pretty mundane thing to say, huh? Everyone has to buy food. We all have to eat. For a lot of people, grocery shopping is a chore and something to dread.
I love it.
I'm spending my own money, making my own choices based around what I need. It's a learning process that will probably turn mundane for me too, sometime in the future. I hope that doesn't happen for awhile, though. I work my dream job every single day. My younger self never would have imagined actually having all this that I daydreamed about for my entire life: living in my own place, working only as a writer and nothing else. Isn't that the dream? And I finally have it.
It's not as perfect as it sounds. Nothing really is, is it? I won't say that writing is the hardest job in the world because I know it definitely is not, but I will say that it's just like any other job: grueling, repititous, and I hate my boss (me) and my coworkers (also me.) However, just the fact that I am here at all to enjoy it and take pride in the little things...
Wow.
Never thought I'd get here.
But, enough of that for now. Hi, my name is Emily, but I would prefer if you call me Blue. I am a freelancing ghostwriter, and I have tried to write a blog before with very little success.
Actually, I've tried to do a lot of things before without success...
But this time will be different, maybe, possibly? I hope so. For once, the future looks pretty good in all directions (except for upcoming tax season. Yikes. Don't look there.)
A little bit about me, I suppose? There's not much I can say at the moment that can't be found in the actual "About Me" section, so take a look there. There's more, of course. There is always is, beneath the surface, but an introductory post isn't the place for those kinds of things.
If you stumble across my blog, I just wanted to say hi and introduce the editor:

That's my Cassie! She's a young parrotlet who loves to bite (me) and chew on things (me again) and climb (still me.) Little devil bird, but I love her to bits. You'll probably be seeing more of her in the future.
So, what's the point of this blog?
To talk about writing, to advertise (sorry, I'll keep it to a minimum, I promise. It'll be announcements and links at the most) to share random thoughts, or toss around websites I like, and to just...connect. I hope you stick around, or at least think Cassie is cute before you leave and forget about me!